my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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