so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
