Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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