I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
That accounts for only three of the penises
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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