this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
