He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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