i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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