Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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