In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
