tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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