She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
