Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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