i would punch a child for taco bell
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
