if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
