i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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