so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
