what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
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