wakey wakey hands off snakey
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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