im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
