ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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