She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
