Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
