Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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