I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
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You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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