If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
