No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
