It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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