Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize