I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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