Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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