new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
