just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
