I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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