He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
