i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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