Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
