somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
