guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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