I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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