Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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