they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
cat food counts as protein by the way
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
