how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
