I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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