And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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