bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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