Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
