i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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