peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
