It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
