i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
