So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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