Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
