Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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