can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
