hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
