Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
this boner is exhausting
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
