how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
