So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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