Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
