i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
someone owes me an orgasm
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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