she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize