she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
