I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
