The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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